The Right Kind of Love
by You've Got To Be Kidding
Summary: Edmund is a little confused.


Disclaimer: The Chronicles of Narnia belong to C.S. Lewis, not me.

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The Right Kind of Love

Edmund stood in the tent he shared with his brother, trying not to shake as he sat down beside him.

Edmund was scared. He felt sick. But he could do this. He knew he could. He just had to remember what Brown had said… how he'd said they'd made _him_ do it… Edmund's hands were shaking and he looked at Peter with wide, frightened eyes.

Peter was unnerved. "Ed?" He went very stiff and Edmund could see it was taking all he had not to shove him away. "Ed, quit it."

Edmund tried to calm down. He must be doing something wrong. But he loved Peter. He trusted Peter. He felt so safe with him now, safer than he'd ever felt with anybody. Brown had said if you loved somebody doing this would be okay… it was different than if they made you do something.

Edmund had to show Peter somehow. He reached out to take Peter's face in his hands and leaned forward, his fingers edging forward on Peter's knee.

"Whoa!" Peter jumped back, shoving Edmund so hard that he fell down. Edmund looked up, hurt and bewildered and very relieved. But Peter looked horrified. And disgusted. Definitely disgusted.

Edmund shrunk away, afraid that Peter would kick him. His face went very red. He didn't know what to do. How had he messed everything up so badly? This was what they had said to do at school… But Peter looked like he was about to disown him, maybe even hand him back to the Witch himself. Edmund scrubbed the tears from his eyes, jumped to his feet and bolted.

It was a moment before Peter had recovered enough to say anything. "Edmund, wait-"

But Edmund was gone.

NNNNNNNNNN

Peter finally caught up to Edmund at the edge of the woods. He stuck his fingers in the collar of Edmund's shirt and dragged him backward.

"Stop," he commanded. "What is going on?" Edmund thought it sounded more like, "What is wrong with you?"

Edmund jerked away and ran but Peter caught his hands. "Hey."

Edmund stopped, his eyes wild. His face was burning and there was a roaring in his ears. He wanted to get away from Peter. Now.

Peter turned his brother by the shoulders. He still held Edmund far back from him, but his hands were gentle and they did not let go. Still, Edmund was sure that if he'd dared to look Peter in the eye he would see that cutting disgust staring back at him. Why couldn't he ever do anything right?

When Peter was convinced Edmund wasn't going to run again, he let him go. Peter gestured to the ground beside him. "Sit."

Edmund sat, waiting to be torn to pieces. Peter sat beside him. They were both breathing hard, Edmund from his overwhelming fear and shame and Peter from the effort of chasing him and the mad confusion in his mind. What in the world was Edmund playing at? When Peter had control of his voice, he turned to his brother. "What happened?"

Edmund kicked a stone and shrugged, bile rising in his throat. He wanted to get _away_. "I just- I was trying-"

Edmund was fishing for lies, but Peter ignored this. "I know exactly what you were trying to do Ed." Edmund cringed. "But why were you trying to do it?"

Edmund put his hands over his face and shook his head. Peter felt a nasty dread creep over him. He fought to keep his voice even. "Did you want to?"

Edmund shook his head violently, and Peter breathed a sigh of relief. He peeled Edmund's fingers away.

"Well then w-"

Edmund couldn't help testing him. "What if I had?"

Peter knew he didn't mean it and looked daggers at him. "Then we'd have more to discuss than we're going to."

Edmund looked away. Peter grabbed his arm and turned him to face him. His eyes were as honest as they were severe. "I'd still love you, Ed. I don't think there's anything in the world that could make me not love you."

Edmund breathed a sigh of relief, and Peter wondered how long his brother had been waiting to hear those words; whether he'd even known he'd been waiting to hear them. But Peter wasn't done yet. "But I would not feel the same way, and you would not do that again. Do you understand?"

"Yes," whispered Edmund. "I'm sorry."

Peter tried to smile at him. "Why did you do it?"

Edmund was still looking very unsure, but finally he told the truth. "I- I wanted to thank you. For- for forgiving me."

Peter felt his heart swell but he couldn't help being revolted and exasperated at the memory of the way Edmund had tried to show it. "And you couldn't just _say_ it?"

Edmund shrugged miserably. Suddenly Peter realized that Edmund probably hadn't known that he could say it. It had probably never occurred to Edmund to speak the words. Peter sighed. He stared at Edmund, who was fidgeting and looking like he would rather not be looked at. Finally he smiled sadly. "I think I understand." Edmund looked up, his face pinched with the hope he was trying to hide. "You love me."

The blood drained from Edmund's face. He looked for somewhere to run, but he knew Peter would be faster. He felt a hand on his arm; his brother's voice washed over him and he relaxed.

"Calm down. It's all right." Edmund looked confused so Peter made himself clear. "Not what you did- that's definitely not all right." Edmund looked away but Peter kept his voice even. "Look at me. That's something you can do when you're married. With your wife," he added meaningfully. "Who will be a _girl_." He shuffled uncomfortably. "I think there are some things I need to explain to you, about men and women." Edmund wrinkled his nose and Peter laughed as the terrible tension broke. "Not today," he promised. "Listen. What you did was wrong."

"I know," said Edmund, and Peter gave him a good shake to get him to meet his eyes.

"But you and I are all right." He looked into Edmund's eyes to make sure he understood. "You're my brother. I'm _glad_ you love me." He smiled wider at the bewildered look on Edmund's face. "I love you too, remember?" He reached over and hugged his brother, and after a moment of shocked silence he felt smaller, tentative arms squeeze him back. Relieved, Peter smiled and sat back against the log behind them.

"But that- what you were doing- that isn't the way you show that, Ed. Not to your brother, and not to any boy. Not to any man. Do you understand?"

Edmund nodded gratefully. "I _really_ didn't want to." He smiled faintly, finally feeling safe enough to look at his brother for longer than a few seconds. "I didn't know how I was going to go through with it."

Peter smiled, pretty grateful himself. But he was still a little disturbed. "Then _why_?"

"Aslan," said Edmund, too quickly.

Peter's eyes grew dangerous. "Aslan!"

"Aslan said to love-"

"Ed." Edmund looked up at Peter and knew that he was caught. "Do you really believe Aslan meant for you to kiss me like that when he told you to love me? To try to touch me that way?"

Edmund looked down and shook his head. "No."

"No," agreed Peter. "You didn't think it then and you don't think it now. You're just making excuses." Edmund looked ashamed. Peter put a firm hand on his shoulder and Edmund looked back up. "Do not try to twist Aslan's words again."

"I won't, Peter. I'm sorry."

"Good," said Peter. "Make sure you say the same to Aslan."

Edmund winced. Peter gave him a sympathetic look but he stuck to his words, and Edmund finally nodded. "I will," he whispered.

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When Edmund returned from apologizing to Aslan he looked much more himself. Humbled, perhaps, but full of the joy of the forgiven. Peter was glad; as much as his brother loved Aslan and as much as he knew the Lion loved him, Edmund had been frightened when he'd gone to make his confession.

But Peter knew Edmund still felt sick about what he'd done, and he couldn't help feeling rather sick himself, so he made him come up the hill and fight him for a while to get his mind off of it. He even let Edmund borrow Rhindon, and though he fought hard and well he let Edmund beat him a couple of times as well. When they were both exhausted Peter let him stop. He was happy to see that Edmund didn't look so embarrassed anymore. They were both feeling a bit more like warriors, if worn out ones.

They collapsed against the side of the tent when they came in, but after a while a troubled look came over Peter's face. "Ed?"

"Yes?"

"Where did you get an idea like that?"

Edmund knew what he was talking about. "School," he said, as though this were obvious.

Peter felt the blood drain from his face. Exactly how badly had he failed Edmund? "Did anyone ever do anything like that to you?" His voice was deceptively mild, but Edmund was silent, so he kept talking. "Kiss you?" He swallowed. "Touch you?" Edmund wouldn't look at him. Peter's voice grew louder in fear. "Answer me, Ed. Did any of the other boys hurt you?"

"No."

But his brother still wouldn't look at him. Peter began to shake. "The masters?"

Edmund looked at him as though he'd lost his mind. "No, Peter."

Now that Peter could see his eyes he was relieved. Edmund was telling the truth. "What happened, then?"

Edmund fidgeted. "Nobody did anything to me." Peter looked hard at him, and he gave up. "But they might have done to Brown," he whispered finally, thinking sadly of his roommate. "He said if you love somebody that's what you should do. So they'll know you love them… I _know_ he's wrong! I really am sorry. I just put what Aslan said with what Brown said… Oh all right, I convinced myself it was the same thing… Come on Pete, you know it happens all the time at school," said Edmund. "It's probably normal. Brown said it is… I know it isn't here but perhaps it is in our world…" He bit his lip. "Isn't it?"

Peter glared at him fiercely. "It is not normal, Edmund. In our world or this one. And it will not happen anymore. As soon as we get back to school, I'm going to put a stop to it. I know Brown's a bully but that shouldn't have happened to him. He only said that to make himself believe it or to make you believe it. Believe me, you and I are going to have a very long talk about what _is_ normal very soon." Edmund shuffled his feet, but Peter ignored this. He would protect his brother from now on, in their own world as much as this, and he would abolish the despicable harassment of the younger boys himself if he had to. He had been able to pretend it wasn't happening until now, but the idea that his own brother might have fallen prey to the practice had opened his eyes. "What happened to Brown is going to end."

"Peter, you can't just-"

"I'll put a stop to it, Ed."

Edmund nodded, amazed at the look on his brother's face. "Erm-but what if you can't?" He was almost afraid to ask, Peter was so furious. But he knew that what went on at the school often consumed it.

Peter faltered; he knew it too. But the next moment Peter grabbed him by the shoulders and stood him up, turning him back toward the rest of the camp. Peter was confident.

"Then Aslan will."

Edmund was suddenly confident too.

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AN: I read a scene similar to what goes on with Peter and Edmund in a book, but that was a long time ago… If anyone knows what book it is, let me know and I'll give the author credit.


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